Windows XP Tips and Tricks

Deleting System Softwares:

XP hides some system software you might want to remove, such as Windows Messenger, but you can tickle it and make it disgorge everything. Using Notepad or Edit, edit the text file /windows/inf/ sysoc.inf, search for the word ‘hide’ and remove it. You can then go to the Add or Remove Programs in the Control Panel, select Add/Remove Windows Components and there will be your prey, exposed and vulnerable.

Creating Shutdown Icon or One Click Shutdown:

Navigate to your desktop. On the desktop, right-click and go to New, then to Shortcut (in other words, create a new shortcut). You should now see a pop-up window instructing you to enter a command line path.

Use this path in “Type Location of the Item”
SHUTDOWN -s -t 01

If the C: drive is not your local hard drive, then replace “C” with the correct letter of the hard drive. Click the “Next” button. Name the shortcut and click the “Finish” button. Now whenever you want to shut down, just click on this shortcut and you’re done.

Increasing Band-Width By 20%:

Microsoft reserves 20% of your available bandwidth for their own purposes like Windows Updates and interrogating your PC etc

To get it back:

Click Start then Run and type ” gpedit.msc” without quotes.This opens the group policy editor. Then go to:
Local Computer Policy then Computer Configuration then Administrative Templates then Network then QOS Packet Scheduler and then to Limit Reservable Bandwidth.
Double click on Limit Reservable bandwidth. It will say it is not configured, but the truth is under the ‘Explain’ tab i.e.”By default, the Packet Scheduler limits the system to 20 percent of the bandwidth of a connection, but you can use this setting to override the default.”
So the trick is to ENABLE reservable bandwidth, then set it to ZERO. This will allow the system to reserve nothing, rather than the default 20%.It works on Win 2000 as well.

Renaming The Recycle Bin icon:

To change the name of the Recycle Bin desktop icon, click Start then goto Run, write Regedit and press Enter. It opens Registry Editor. Now in Registry Editor go to:

HKEY_CLASSES_ ROOT/CLSID/ {645FF040- 5081-101B- 9F08-00AA002F954 E}

and change the name “Recycle Bin” to whatever you want (don’t type any quotes).

Managing Tasks:

You can at last get rid of tasks on the computer from the command line by using ‘taskkill /pid’ and the task number, or just ‘tskill’ and the process number. Find that out by typing ‘tasklist’, which will also tell you a lot about what’s going on in your system.

Removing Shared Documents folder From My Computer window:

Open registry editor by going to Start then Run and entering regedit. Once in registry, navigate to key
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ My Computer \ NameSpace \ DelegateFolders
You must see a sub-key named {59031a47-3f72- 44a7-89c5- 5595fe6b30ee} . If you delete this key, you have effectively removed the my shared documents folder.

Making Google the Default Search Engine in Internet Explorer:

Open registry editor by going to Start then Run and entering regedit and navigate to following three keys separately and change it as shown below:

[HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Internet Explorer\Main]
“Search Page”=” http://www.google. com”
“Search Bar”=” http://www.google. com/ie”
[HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Internet Explorer\SearchURL]
“”=” http://www.google. com/keyword/ %s”
[HKEY_LOCAL_ MACHINE\SOFTWARE \Microsoft\ Internet Explorer\Search]
“SearchAssistant” =” http://www.google. com/ie” .

Improving the Slow Boot up time:

There are a variety of reasons why your windows XP system would boot slowly. Most of the times it this has to do with the startup applications. If you would like to speed up the bootup sequence, consider removing some of the startup applications that you do not need. Easiest way to remove startup apps is through System Configuration Utility. Go to Start then Run and enter MSCONFIG and go to the Startup tab. Deselect/UnCheck application( s) that you do not want to startup at boot time.

Customize Logon prompt with your Own Words:

Open Registry by going to Start then Run, entering regedit and Navigate to [HKEY_LOCAL_ MACHINE\SOFTWARE \Microsoft\ Windows NT\CurrentVersion\ Winlogon] . In right pane, look for key by the name “LogonPrompt” . Set its value to whatever text you want to see displayed at login screen.

IP address of your connection:

Go to Start then Run. Enter ‘cmd’ and then enter ‘ipconfig’ .Add the ‘/all’ switch for more info .

Making Folders Private:

Open My Computer Double-click the drive where Windows is installed (usually drive (C:), unless you have more than one drive on your computer). If the contents of the drive are hidden, under System Tasks, click Show the contents of this drive.
Double-click the Documents and Settings folder. Double-click your user folder. Right-click any folder in your user profile, and then click Properties. On the Sharing tab, select the Make this folder private so that only I have access to it check box.

To change Drive Letters:

Go to Start > Control Panel > Administrative Tools > Computer Management, Disk Management, then right-click the partition whose name you want to change (click in the white area just below the word “Volume”) and select “change drive letter and paths.”
From here you can add, remove or change drive letters and paths to the partition.

Removing the Shortcut arrow from Desktop Icons:

Goto Start then Run and Enter regedit. Navigate to HKEY_CLASSES_ ROOTlnkfile. Delete the IsShortcut registry value. You may need to restart Windows XP.

Get Drivers for your Devices:

Visit Windows Update (XP Only)
Look at the left hand pane and under Other Options click Personalize Windows Update.
Now in the right hand pane check the box - Display the link to the Windows Update Catalog under See Also
Below Choose which categories and updates to display on Windows Update - make sure you check all the boxes you want shown.
Click Save Settings
Now look in the left hand pane under See Also click Windows Update Catalog and choose what you’re looking for. Choose either MS updates or drivers for hardware devices.
Start the Wizard and off you go.

Customize Internet Explorer’s Title Bar:

Open Registry by going to Start then Run and Enter regedit. Navigate to HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Internet. Explorer\Main. In right hand panel look for string “Window Title” and change its value to whatever custom text you want to see.

Disabling the use of Win Key:

If your are a gaming freak then you must be sick of the Win key in your keyboard. To disable use of Win key, open registry by going to Start then Run and entering regedit. Navigate to [HKEY_LOCAL_ MACHINE\SYSTEM\ CurrentControlSe t\Control\ Keyboard Layout] . In this look for value of “Scancode Map”. Its binary data so be extra careful:
Set its value to “00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 03 00 00 00 00 00 5B E0 00 00 5C E0 00 00 00 00″ to disable the win key.

Restarting Windows without Restarting the Computer:

This one is again is. When you click on the SHUTDOWN button, make sure to simultaneous press SHIFT Button. If you hold the Shift key down while clicking on SHUTDOWN button, you computer would restart without restarting the Computer. This is equivalent to term “HOT REBOOT”.

Stopping XP from displaying unread messages count on Welcome Screen:

To stop XP from displaying count of unread messages, Open registry and navigate to [HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Windows\CurrentV ersion\UnreadMai l] and look for the data key “MessageExpiryDays” . If you do not see this key, create one DWORD key by the name “MessageExpiryDays” . Setting its value to 0 would stop Windows XP from displaying the count of unread messages.

Modify Color Selection of Default Theme:

Open registry by going to Start then Run. Entering regedit, navigate to [HKEY_USERS\ .DEFAULT\ Software\ Microsoft\ Windows\CurrentV ersion\ThemeMana ger] and locate the key “ColorName”.
Right Click on it and select modify its value from “NormalColor” to “Metallic”
Click Ok, and exit regedit and restart your computer.

Removing the Recycle Bin from the Desktop:

If you don’t use the Recycle Bin to store deleted files , you can get rid of its desktop icon all together. Run Regedit and go to:

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE/ SOFTWARE/ Microsoft/ Windows/CurrentV ersion/explorer/ Desktop/NameSpace

Windows Vista Upgrade Clean Install Tips

The option of purchasing an upgrade over the full version of a new operating system is often the preferred method as it is alot cheaper, but update versions tend to be a little more problematic. For example, if you wanted to do a clean install of your new os you had to prove that you qualified for the upgrade by inserting the original cd of the older os at some stage during the install.

The upgrade version of the new Windows Vista has done away with this CD check for doing a clean install, but to use it you still need qualifying software, such as Windows XP or Windows 2003. But here is the good news - Windows Vista upgrade version also accepts an ‘unactivated’ version of Vista! That means that you can clean install your upgrade version of Vista without activating it and then ‘upgrade’ this install to the upgraded version. The downside of this means you have to install Vista twice, but Vista installs faster than XP, and you can save as much as 50% of your cash in the process.

Step 1. Boot the PC from the Vista Upgrade DVD.

Step 2. Select “Install Now,” but do not enter the Product Key from the Vista packaging. Leave the input box blank. Also, turn off the option Automatically activate Windows when I’m online. In the next dialog box that appears, confirm that you really do want to install Vista without entering a Product Key.

Step 3. Correctly indicate the version of Vista that you’re installing: Home Basic, Home Premium, Business, or Ultimate.

Step 4. Select the “Custom (Advanced)” install, not the “Upgrade” install.

Step 5. Vista copies files at length and reboots itself one or more times. Wait for the install to complete. At this point, you might think that you could “activate” Vista, but you can’t. That’s because you haven’t installed the Vista upgrade yet. To do that, run the DVD’s setup.exe program again, but this time from the Vista desktop. The easiest way to start setup again is to eject and then reinsert the DVD.

Step 6. Click “Install Now.” Select Do not get the latest updates for installation. (You can check for these updates later.)

Step 7. This time, do enter the Product Key from the Vista packaging. Once again, turn off the option Automatically activate Windows when I’m online.

Step 8. On this second install, make sure to select “Upgrade,” not “Custom (Advanced).” You’re not doing a clean install now, you’re upgrading to Vista.

Step 9. Wait while Vista copies files and reboots itself. No user interaction is required. Do not boot from the DVD when asked if you’d like to do so. Instead, wait a few seconds and the setup process will continue on its way. Some DOS-like, character-mode menus will appear, but don’t interact with them. After a few seconds, the correct choice will run for you automatically.

Step 10. After you click a button labeled Start in the Thank You dialog box, Vista’s login screen will eventually appear. Enter the username and password that you selected during the first install. You’re done upgrading to Vista.

Step 11. Within 30 days, you must “activate” your copy of Vista or it’ll lose functionality. To activate Vista, click Show more details in the Welcome Center that automatically displays upon each boot-up, then click Activate Windows now. If you’ve dismissed the Welcome Center, access the correct dialog box by clicking Start, Control Panel, System & Maintenance, System. If you purchased a legitimate copy of Vista, it should quickly activate over the Internet. (You can instead activate by calling Microsoft on the phone, which avoids your PC exchanging information with Microsoft’s server.)

101 Jobs to make you appreciate your own more

Published on Monday March 5th , 2007

by Lindsay O'Conner

Dear working-stiffs of the world,

I see you sitting listlessly, slumped back in your office chair with your foot violently twitching as if it was begging to be liberated from your work-appropriate, closed-toed loafer. You stare blankly at the florescent lights, praying for blindness as the phone begins to crassly ring and you think, “No more customer calls. Morons, they are all morons!” But no - it is your idiot boss callously calling you on the intercom to appear in his office at once.

You slowly rise from your cube/cave, wipe the drivel from the corner of your mouth, and attempt to look awake. You enter into your boss’s plush, sun-kissed suite. And then he informs you that you are to work overtime tonight and through the rest of the week…and that you may need to work on the weekend.

Internally, you revolt, gnash your teeth, flip him off, and run around hysterically mad and flustered. But externally, you agree. After all, you are but a weary worker, an office monkey, dancing to the grind of the office organ.

But remember: it could always be worse.

Take solace in this one truth: the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. In fact, sometimes it is brown, a little smelly, with feces strewn across the ‘scape.

Trust me on this one; you’re very lucky to have your job. I assure you that you will find some joy in your daily drudge after reading below. Without further adieu, here are 101 Jobs to make you appreciate your own more.

1-Locksmith: Sure you get to pick locks, but what if those locks are to handcuffs wrapped around your mother and father’s bed post?

2-Greeter at Wal-Mart: You would be ignored, shunned, or possibly spit on. Spit is hard to get out of a blue, canvas vest.

3-Cage cleaner at the zoo: Two words: Elephant dung.

4-Restaurant Health Inspector: After you discover your favorite restaurant has roaches in the restroom, how do you cope?

5-Traffic Cop: No one likes a traffic cop. If you don’t enjoy being accosted by angry motorists, this is not for you.

6-Elevator maintenance man: Should something go wrong on the 10th floor while working, your number is up.

7- Chuck E Cheese Employee: See number 11.

8-Bikini Waxer: Unless you’re a sadist, bikini waxing is a woman’s worst nightmare: A woman with a hot pot of wax and a kung-fu grip.

9-Hospital Cleaner/Disinfector: Staph infections are on the rise. Please pass the airborne.

10-Witch or Warlock Assistant: Bats blood and eye of newt are hard to get out of linen.

11-Day Care Worker: You would be inundated with brats with snot and moistness on their grubby little hands! Sure, children are cute...cute until you catch an obscure illness every other week.

12-British Bobbi: English law enforcement can not brandish or carry firearms. But what if a criminal does?

13-Brittany Spears’ Publicist: You are working over time these days.

14-Military Medic: Oh, the things you will see!

15-Restaurant Cook: You don’t even get to eat the food!

16-Slaughterhouse Employee: You would come home every night looking like a mass-murder suspect.

17-Maid: Let’s face it, people are slobs. Unless you enjoy scrubbing toilets and getting hit on by the home owner as he lives out his maid fantasy, perhaps you should stick with your current job.

18-High School Guidance Councilor: Not only would you have to sit through sessions with confused high school kids reeking of reefer, but you would have to deal with over zealous parents. High school sucked; don’t go back to the memories.

19-Terrorist Negotiators: There are only so many things you can provide a terrorist in exchange for the hostages. After all, Girl Scout cookies only come out once a year.

20-Flatulence Analyst: What’s to analyze? What the flatuatee had for breakfast?

21-Barnyard Masturbator: Read that slowly, let the images drip through your little brain. No details are needed for this job other than to mention that horses kick at speeds of up to 100 miles per hour.

22-Mosquito Researcher: Bring a mighty big can of Raid and hope they find a vaccine for West Nile Virus.

23-Victoria’s Secret Lingerie Model Fitter: Just kidding!

24-Carcass Cleaner: Road-kill isn’t appetizing.

25-Highway Patrol: It is dangerous work, and you’re likely to be accosted by an angry guy late for work. No better way to start the day than by pissing someone off.

26-Roofer: One wrong step and bye-bye.

27-Sewer Diver in Mexico City: You would be submerged in a toxic brew of garbage, bacteria, excrement, dead animals—even the occasional murder victim.

28-Porno Theater Janitor: yeah...

29-Exorcist: Spinning heads, green vomit, demonic possessions, and it’s only Tuesday.

30-Embalmer: CSI is just a television show. Working with dead bodies is not glamorous.

31-Airport Security Scanner: So, a prominent political figure has women’s bondage clothing adorned with sharp metal studs in his carry-on luggage. Do you just let this one slide or…?

32-Crime Scene Investigator: See number 30.

33- Grocery Store Sample Giver: You are deli-tray police. There is nothing more unofficial than that.

34-Bomb Expert: "…was it the blue or the red one that detona-BAM"

35- Sanitation Consultant: I can think of a few better things to do on a Wednesday afternoon than crawling into a hole to look for the septic leak.

36-Plumber: Tampons are the number one reason why toilets are clogged in the U.S. The number two reason is…well…

37-Stuntman/woman: Guts without the glory and $$ of the “leading men and women.”

38-Disneyworld Mascot: If you like being punched or kicked in the crotch by people less than 4 foot 11 inches, perhaps you would enjoy this. Besides, why would you want to role-play under a hot sun without a “happy ending” anyway?

39-Magician’s Assistant: What if the saw slips?

40- Fear Factor Intern: Well someone has to try out the bull testicle soup before the contestants do. What if it’s not salty enough?

41-Rent-a-Cop: This is a job with zero respect or authority. You would garner more power as deli-tray cop (see number 33).

42-Dog Walker: That’s a lot of poop to pick up in one day.

43-Gas Station Attendant: Enjoy the fume-high.

44-Personal trainer: You can’t even motivate yourself to run everyday, much-less a stubborn Twinkie-connoisseur.

45-24 Hour Convenience Store Clerk: Inevitably, you will be held up at gun point. On the bright side, you may end up on cops.

46- Band Camp Councilor: In the hot sun you will stand, waving your arms to and fro in the rhythm of Vivaldi or Frescobaldi. Mosquitoes and bees will swarm over head as you march in formations with an instrument in hand. Never have summers been such a drag.

47-Manager of a rock band: In some cases, this may be a great job. But historically, bands and managers brawl over small potatoes like not having enough groupies on the bus. You might enjoy this job if you like dragging drunken rock stars to the toilet as they get a second taste of dinner and Jagermister. But hey, it’s a living.

48-Rat Killer on the Streets of Bombay: Ew.

49-Drug Runner or Heroine Mule: There’s a 95 percent chance that stuff is going where the sun don’t shine, buddy.

50-Garbage Collector: Garbage collectors are exposed to all sorts of toxic cocktails of scents and smells.

51-Mime: No one likes mimes. You will be loathed, perhaps even hunted.

52-Candy Striper: Do candy stripers even exist anymore?

53-Water Boy: You’re a water boy – not a water man.

54-Towel Boy: Wedgies, noogies, and derogatory name-calling would be an every day occurrence for you.

55-Roadie for the Rolling Stones: I hear Keith Richards has been dead for 20 years….

56-Bar Waitress: Imagine drunk, stinky guys professing their love for you while groping your assets, not to mention the crappy tips. This job is the pits.

57-Lawyer: You would be hated, across the board.

58- Executioner: Does it ever become routine? “Different day, different killing...”

59-Bovine Brander: Did I mention horses AND cows kick at 100 miles per hour?

60-Oyster Shucker: Nightly, cats will follow you home.

61-Chimney Sweeper: Lung cancer is just a pay check or two away.

62-Cat Food Quality Tester: I hear a taste test is mandatory

63-Steward/Stewardess: In the event of an emergency, you are required to remain calm and provide vomit bags. That is, of course, if a passenger doesn’t first brandish a weapon or bomb.

64-Mail Man/Mail Woman: How fast can you run from dogs?

65-Rodeo Clown: No one likes clowns -especially not bulls.

66-Urine Collector for Drug Tests: A visit from you can cost someone their job.

67-Body Guard for a Rap Artist: Wear a bullet proof vest.

68-Lounge Singer: Burt Bacarach has this one covered.

69-Driving Instructor: Teen-agers with lead foot-syndrome can spell disaster.

70-Lunch-lady: Well, this might not be too bad, so long as you don’t lose your dentures in the mashed ‘taters.

71-Wise Guy in the Mob: One slip of the lip and you will be sleeping with the fishies.

72-Boxing/MMA Sparing Partner: You are wrestled to the ground, punched in the face, and choked out for a living.

73-CEO of Philip Morris: You spend your days scheming on how to back-peddle the fact that your company has been selling cancer for 70 years.

74-Gravedigger: Don’t dig in the wrong spot...you may get an unpleasant surprise.

75-Lab Animal Incinerator: Sometimes, the animals aren’t dead before you throw them into a burning kiln.

76-Circus Freak: Even though you have an extra toe on your left foot, getting peanuts thrown at your head on a daily basis may become demoralizing.

77-Landfill Monitor: I would hate to be the one who discovers the dead body rolled-up in the carpet.

78-Dysentery stool sample analyzer: There just aren’t enough plastic gloves in the world…

79-“Hot Zone” Investigator: So, a disease or virus is spreading through a community, let’s say something like Ebola. And you’re the guy or gal who gets to waltz in and check everything out. Wash your hands when you’re done.

80-Isolation Chamber Tester: I doubt you get to take a book in with you.

81-Sports Mascot: No matter who is winning or losing, you’re the first guy on the field to be spit on.

82-Fiber Glass Factory Worker: Nothing will salve the sting of fiber glass in your lungs.

83-Prison Rape Researcher: Um, yikes!

84-Corpse Flower Grower: These ugly, stinky things are no treat to fertilize.

85-Astronaut: There is a high risk for shuttle explosion and alien abduction. Those probes go where?

86-Fish Counter: Getting the smell out of your hair could take years. You may live alone for a long time.

87-Poultry Processor: Yuck.

88-Sewing Machine Operator: Watch those fingers.

89-Laundry Worker: Hot towels? Big machines? Static electricity? This is a perfect recipe for third degree burns.

90-Street Prostitute: Come rain, come shine, come sleet, come snow, no matter the weather, the public depends on your services.

91-Gastroenterologist: Someone is coming to you because they have a problem with this region of their body, and usually it isn’t pretty.

92-Crop Duster Pilot: Chemicals are the danger of this job.

93-Working as anything for Donald Trump: You’re fired!

94-Toll Collector: If you are not good at mental money math, this might be particularly difficult.

95-Crab Fisherman: There is a reason why this is considered the world’s most dangerous profession: because it is!

96- Prison guard at Rikers Island: You are only among a handful of other boys and girls in blue among a few thousand dangerous men. You may need therapy upon retirement. That is if you live to see retirement.

97-Whittler: Unless you are very good with very sharp objects, leave this one up to the pros.

98- Personal Assistant for Michael Jackson: You may want to resign after the fifth, 2:00 am request for his Peter Pan tights to be hand washed in the tears of young children.

99- Script Writer for the Gilmore Girls: The show is incredibly estrogen-based. You may need daily hormone shots just to be a candidate.

100- Podiatrist: "Grandpa has a hard time bending over these days to cut his toe nails and a strange, cheese-like odor is emanating from below his ankles. And we decided to have you take a look….."

101-DMV Employee: Inherently, you are loathed, despised, and a little feared. You would hate yourself.

Now, get back to work!